These Advice given by A Father That Saved Us as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was merely just surviving for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of being a father.

However the truth soon proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her main carer as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a healthy space. You require support. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While society is now better used to talking about the stress on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a wider inability to open up between men, who continue to absorb negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a display of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a pause - taking a few days abroad, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "bad choices" when he was younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a family member, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their experiences, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I think my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."